The Southern Preppy Bro

I came across this HYSTERICAL write-up on BroBible.com. Please excuse the foul language. I didn't write it, so I didn't feel right editing it... but it seriously cracked me up and I had to share. I decided to add some photos of my friends to help illustrate.

The Southern Preppy Bro:

It's game day. As you walk to the tailgate you get some weird looks from the opposing team's fans. It's not your fault they don't know how to dress. Sure it's 95 degrees out, but who the fuck cares? You look fucking sick in your sports coat, bow tie, and lobster pants. As the sun starts to creep into your eyes you touch your head to see if you remembered to wear your shades. Fuck -- they aren't there. Immediately you realize you're a fucking idiot -- obviously they're hanging around your neck on your Croakies.

With the tailgate in sight, you hear the voice: "Spare some change, sir?" Are you fucking kidding me? You are not in the mood. Not only are you late for the tailgate, but you just stepped in a puddle and now your top siders are fucking drenched, and now this? "No I don't have any change, but I do have some advice: GET A FUCKING JOB!!" Doesn't he realize how fucking easy it is for your Dad to get you a job with one of his golfing buddies? As you walk away, you give him the finger. Victory is sweet. Now, even if they couldn't tell by your clothes, everyone will know that you're better than them. Of course you are, after all, you're the Southern preppy bro. Often spotted at SEC schools such as Ole Miss, Georgia, or Tennessee, Southern preppy bros are brave as shit. You really have to be when everyone wants to kick your ass just because of what you are wearing. Southern prep bros love designer brand clothing even more than those sluts on "Sex and the City." Having a Lacoste croc, Polo horse, or trying-to-kill-himself Brooks Brothers sheep somewhere on your clothes immediately validates you as a true Sothern preppy bro. After they get decked out, Southern preppy bros can be found googling moonshine recipes beneath their Confederate flag in their frat house bedroom listening to some Kenny Chesney song with a fat pinch of dip lodged in their lower lip. A favorite pastime rivaled only by their love of pastel v-neck sweaters and veiled racism is their ability to make girls think they are "gentlemen." For some ridiculous reason, Southern girls demand to be treated like "ladies." Bros fucking hate this, but because of their resourcefulness, Southern preppy bros have adapted. By doing shit that other bros across the country would never do -- such as pulling out chairs, holding doors open, and actually going out on dates with girls -- Southern preppy bros are able to achieve the goal they share with bros across the county: Getting Laid. So the next time you see a bro out at the bar sipping whiskey with a haircut that looks as though he just got done filming "Two a Days," don't call him a tool or yell at him to get back to fucking his farm animals. He may refuse to pound your fist since it's "too ghetto" but shake his hand, he's a bro and the last thing this world needs is more bro on bro violence.

I happen to be a huge fan of the Southern Preppy Bro attire. Here are some of my favorites: